Sunday Silence

 I like this Sunday morning time to write and think and post.  Thre is something special about sitting in silence or in a quiet space and just letting thoughts flow freely.  I was talking to Sam last night and explaining silence because he said he was afraid of darkness and silence.  I told him that darkness and silence are very important because they allow us to be still and take-in the world around us.  Our senses become heightened in the darkness and when engulfed in silence.  Silence often allows us to hear what is going on in our minds and bodies.  Even this morning, I am savoring the time to just sit with some coffee and listen to the quiet of a Sunday morning as the world wakes up and I can listen to what is happening inside my own head and heart.

The days are moving and the children are older.  Audrey is driving and working so hard in school and with her flute playing.  Violet is on the basketball team and earning high marks.  Sam is responsible every day for his work and cleaning and seems to learn a little more each day and leaves his small child self a little further behind.  

There are adventures on the horizon, which keeps me motivated and excited.  The older I get, the more I look forward to adventures, new experiences, and making memories with my family and friends.  There are few material things I want anymore that are out of reach, so there is a peace that comes with recognizing that people and time are the most valuable things to me, and ot necessarily the latest tech. or gadgets or toys (although those are still very fun, too!)

This is the second half of my life now.  There is a lot that races through my mind when I come to grips that I am more than half-way through my own life.  Time seems infinite until a point, and I think almost all of us realize that we are moving closer to the end than the beginning.  There is something very freeing about this concept to me, as I feel less pressure to perform for others, and more to simply be true to who I am and how I feel internally.  I am thankful for all of this time, and hope to make my family proud and accomplish the things I find most important in my own life, and not be so consumed by what the rest of the world is telling me.  

So these are the things I am hearing inside my own head right now as I sit in the silence of this Sunday morning.  The rest of the world is stirring, so this may be a good time to stop this ramble.  After I publish, I think I will try my best to sit still for just a few more minutes to see what else I can hear...

-a

One Step at a Time

 A quick check-in today.  The family continues the daily grind of school and work and such.  We have time to laugh and play and all of the other things, too...which is really nice.  Everyone has their own lives and it is quite the thing to see how the kids deal with the challenges life throws at them.  It is difficult, as a parent, to see new stresses and anxieties your children take as the world expects a little more of them each year...and it is just awesome to see how they simply continue to respond to their challenges with courage and dedication to be a good human and their best selves.  

On a simply outrageous note...

I learned a valuable lesson last night:

Don't leave brownies outside to cool, as they attract a giant opossum that hisses in a terrifying manner.  

Sometimes just letting the brownies cool on the stove top and being patient is best.  

-a

A New Sun Rises....The Same Sun

 This might be the greatest cup of coffee I have had in a long while....or maybe it is the moment rather than the drink in hand.  I sit looking out the window on a zero degree morning.  Two dogs have had their breakfast and morning constitution, so they are satidfied, now especially that they have received some extra scratches under the collar!  Oskar snoozes under a blanket on the floor while Luna is ever-present, curled up at my feet on the couch.  

Violet

Kim

Audrey

The country is celebrating MLK Day, but also the next president returns to sit on his throne, and we hold our breaths.  It is a solemn Monday morning, and we are now in 2025.  It has been too long and I have left this blog unattended and the children have become less so since then.  They are older, learning so much more on their own now.  They are harder to talk to yet I can see so many things they know and do just from having been that age once, too.  

Sam

Abel

The last time I attempted to write was in August, which was the one year anniversary (roughly) of the passing of both my father (Joel), and step-father (Ted).  I have also been working in an exciting position at a new school this year, and somehow all of this has combined with the sweetness of my family to create a general contentment and satisfaction in my life that has been missing for some time.  This is no one's fault except my own.  The love and support they have given me as I find my path to healing and moving forward have truly been my salvation in so many ways.  This has allowed me to evolve and fully apply myself at school, which in turn gives me great professional satisfaction....another thing that has been missing for a long time.  

I simply find myself humbled and thankful for all that I find myself surrounded by.  I will try to do better writing and documenting this life moving forward, as it brings me another piece of satisfaction.  

Damn this coffee is good.

-a

Enjoying the Morning

 Someone once said that most things in our lives are the dreams of others:

-The meals we eat every day are the dreams of someone who is hungry.

-The house that seems messy to you is the dream of someone who is homeless.

-The time we spend together is the dream of someone who has lost.

The quiet morning is all I can ask for as our spring break begins.  The daily things we do...school, work, early mornings, meals, lessons, etc....our whole house has been working so hard.  It will be nice to slow down and just be for a few days.

It has been nice to see some friends lately, and also to see our own children forming and developing relationships with friends and being social.  Children are a true wonder, and it is amazing to see how far each of our three have come.  Pride is a word that doesn't seem grand enough when it comes to how I feel about their accomplishments in school and their talents in music and arts and athletics.  However, I am most amazed at their kindness and wanting to just be good towards others in general.  

The rest of spring break has no real outline other than cleaning and really trying to attach projects around the house.  With Disney in our rear view mirror and Juneau ahead on the summer horizon, we all felt like just being home and resting.  The final push towards summer break will be a long one in some ways, and recharging seems to be on the menu for the week!  How lucky we are!

-a

A Whatever Day

 A quiet little Saturday morning in February.  The day hasn't made up its mind yet as far as where it will take us all.  Maybe errands...maybe somewhere just for the sake of getting out of the house....whatever.  It is a "whatever" day.  

But I still enjoy the stillness of the house.  There is a peace and deep contentment knowing that my whole family is sleeping and safe.  There is a lot to be thankful for.  

Geese honk in the distance outside as they fly over the grey morning clouds.  Dogs snore quietly at my feet.  Kids (and wife) snuggled under their blankets.  There is no hurry right now, and that is wonderful.  So let the day arrive whenever.  Whatever.

-a  

Quiet Beginnings

Violet in the snow!

 

Often my favorite moments of a day are the quiet ones before everyone else is awake.  Whether it is on a normal work day, while in the pitch black...just siting awake waiting for the sun to rise...or whether it is like today:  a grey, dreary Sunday morning where the snow is melting and the world is still really asleep for just a little while longer.  I savor the short time I have to just sit with my thoughts and the possibilities of the day.

It got pretty chilly for a little while around here!

This January has been a good start to the year, with time for our family to transition back from Winter Break, and get our house in fairly good working condition.  There are always plans and such with a house....always something that needs cleaning or fixing...and it is this part of the "house zen" that I am trying daily to accept with more and more patience:  it will never be done!  Homeowners often say this with a grin...but it really is true.  There is always something that needs attention or that is next-up on the list of things to do.  There is something about accepting this that brings a sense of peace...giving up the pursuit of perfection can sometimes be uplifting.

Audrey during her first drive through experience as a driver!

So as the days pass and February lurks around the corner next week, it is fun to begin glancing to the horizon of spring and then summer.  Adventures await beyond our daily routines of school and work and responsibility!  Trips and drives and exploration are our there for us when we have taken care of the things we say we will do!  This past trip to Disney helped me even more to appreciate how smart and independent my children have become.  They no longer need me for nearly as many things...which I guess is the goal.  It is truly a wonder to see them think and operate and learn independently. 

From our travels to Disney!

  

So while I sit here quietly enjoying the still and quiet, I also keep one eye on the future where we are always moving.  How lucky I am to be here now....and also to be able to see our path forward.  

-a

The dogs never leave me alone!

Violet and Sam in the front yard!  Remember these moments!

A New Year

 It is a new year.

This blog has been slowly decaying and falling further into the recesses of my mind, but I need to try and bring it back to the forefront.  

The original purpose of this blog was to communicate about our lives to the rest of my family around the country, especially those living in Alaska...but over the last three years so many people so close to us have left this life.  The people who I have been writing for are gone, and it has drained so much of the passion and motivation to continue. 

But there is a saying that it is never too late to start over, and, while this is not technically "starting over", I am hopeful that this next year will bring about a sort of personal renaissance or rebirth of desire to put thoughts to screen and publish.  If not for them, then for my own children who are now starting to find this blog and read about their own history through my eyes.

And so we begin 2024 with a sense of calm and peace, along with shadows and memories of those that are no longer here...but I cast my eyes on the horizon while remaining aware of each single step that is in front of me that I must take.  Where this journey leads, I cannot say for sure...but I remain hopeful and grateful to have this day and any others ahead.

-a