Thunder and winds acted as my natural alarm clock this morning. There is something so completely satisfying about rolling over, pulling the blankets up, and drifting back to unconsciousness while serenaded by nature's percussion. The plans of the day are yet to be determined, but all I am interested in right now is just finding the moment and settling into it.
The first feelings of the end of summer seep into my brain. Talks about schedules and a few emails find their way into my school account. The early easing back into things. Some online review training have also been distributed, to ensure that I am at least aware of allergies and harassment terminology, as well as ethics in the workplace and my personal favorite, blood borne pathogens. I am trying not to think too far into the future in terms of an actual return to school amidst the pandemic. Personally, I believe that schools should not open until there is a vaccine. I am exhausted by the daily news and social media that constantly bombards my senses. There is a deep sense of anger and righteousness in this country that is making people sick and turning on each other. It is a scary thing, to me, to see communities being shredded and blaming each other.
I find myself missing my hometown of Juneau lately. Whenever things get to be too much, I sometimes envision myself walking or hiking around the mountains or strolling along the Warf downtown. There are a few good friends who still live there, and it is difficult to not be able to visit more often. I am hopeful that, as my children grow older, we will be able to travel there on a more frequent basis. There is a quiet about Juneau, where one can be completely alone within a matter of minutes. Even as a child, I found it quite unique that I could be in the middle of downtown and then completely isolated by simply walking towards the mountains....or down to the shoreline. There is also a sense of connection to the elements when one grows up in Alaska. The winds are important, and people really consider what nature is doing before leaving the safety of their homes. For now, though, it is not necessarily the adventure I miss, but the comfort of proximity to everyone. At a time of national and global chaos, there is great comfort in small-town community life. Sigh...maybe soon. For now, I will have to find calm in my memories.
It has been a little while since my Uncle Stuart died, and I still find myself thinking about him. Death is something that seems to be all around...or maybe I am starting to think of it on a more regular basis? Whether it is from having turned 40, or recent passing of a few people I knew...death is constantly on the back burner of my mind. I hope that I have done enough in this life...I hope my children know I love them, I wonder more about my own health, and realize that each day really is unique and a thing to be savored. I have come to accept that death is a part of living, and it is a thing to be respected and acknowledged.
Today will belong only to itself. There will be opportunities to grow and learn and laugh. These things are what make life of value. When we stop participating in life, we are simply waiting for it to end. I cannot do nothing. There is too much, even as a parent in the suburbs, to do and learn and partake in. It is important to have lazy days and calm times, but I consider it a sin of kinds to not attempt to live and interact with the world I live in. Even a simple experience, like listening to some music or baking cookies, presents opportunities for reflection, contemplation, and activity. A thing such as baking cookies is simple, yet gives me a chance to share with others and generate a positive experience for some people. What a thing it is to be able to make others happy, or impact lives in a positive way. Yes, they are just cookies...but it is a small thing that was not there before. What small things can I do today that will impact the lives of others?
The long-term answer is I simply do not know. The short term answer is that I am going to make eggs and toast for a certain three year old who just woke up and needs immediate nourishment. After that...who knows?
-a
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