Falling Up

 A reset of sorts has happened for me.  Between summer in Alaska and starting a new school year, there seems to be some new spark of life ignited within me as of late.  This blog has been on my mind all summer, and now into the start of fall.  It has been a difficult internal road for me to navigate, working through my mother's death and dealing with my anger and anxiety.  Fortunately, Kim and my children, as well as my friends and family, have really helped me turn around and work towards becoming a better person and comforting me along the way.  

Some things that I have learned a little more about along this darker path:

1)  It is OK to be not OK...as long as you understand that you're not OK.  I have struggled with allowing others to help me and let myself open to show the hurt.  I still have people in my life that are so important to me, but I have shut them out because I feel as if I will let them down because I cannot be the person I want to be in their eyes.  I need to do better at opening myself back-up.

2)  Life is short.  A cliche, I know.  But damn if it's not the truth of truths.  I see the cycle of living and aging now, with a new perspective.  I am not a child....but not a senior, either.  I can see birth and death equally from my vantage in life, and understand more about the time I have been given...and continue to find gratitude for any time that I do have remaining in this life.

3)  We all travel a path that is our life.  Our path is our own and it is unlike any other.  Our oaths cross the paths of others..and sometimes our paths align for a time.  While we may travel a path together for a while, they will always break away and bring us in the direction that is meant for us alone.  This idea has brought me much comfort, as it allows me to visualize and at least attempt to give my life a structure of some kind...even though I do not know where my own path leads.  It is also a reminder that there is no one right path for me to follow...only that whatever I choose...it will be my own path.  

I am feeling better each day, and I am thankful for those in my life who send me so much love.  I am thankful for the rising sun each morning, and will continue to travel this path...but also do my best to realign my life travels so that I may (hopefully) walk alongside those I love so much for a while longer.

-a