New Shoes

The weekend is upon us.  We are not traveling at all, just taking a few days at home.  It is snowing outside, and fresh chocolate chip cookies are cooling in the kitchen.  The girls are watching a final show before bed.  We are all sprawled out on the couch, feeling content and allowing ourselves to slip closer and closer to bedtime.

My legs are still warm from a nice run on the treadmill.  Today I ran in a new pair of shoes my dad bought me a little while ago.  I have been reluctant to switch over to my new shoes because I am so attached to my old pair.  Even though they are the same brand and model, I have really enjoyed running in my old pair of shoes, and we have been through hundreds of miles together.  Five half marathons and all the training in between....they truly felt like another layer of my body.  I finally made the switch this weekend, when my knees started to hurt a little even after short runs.  It was a sure sign that it was time to make the update.  

Audrey playing with her robotic raptor, Fossil.  It walks around on its own and bites stuff.  Oye.

We all have things like this in our lives:  A pair of jeans hanging by a thread, a beat-up teddy bear that has seen better days, a blanket tattered with age.  We all cling to dear items that hold a value greater than the price of a newer version.  Even though these things don't work as well as the once did, they instantly give us a sense of remembering our past a little bit clearer.  When we come into contact with our things, we recall glory days, childhood, or people and places that are distant both physically and in memory.

People also hold-on to memories of things that need letting-go.  These memories must be examined and the person needs to take the time to update their perspective on things.  While there is no doubt that our past, in many ways, shapes who we are in the present, it is an essential practice to allow ourselves to let go of things that continue to erode our current state of mind and being.  There are memories and actions that I play over and over again in my mind, and sometimes it impacts my mood and my mental well being.  I need to give myself the chance to create distance and allow for healing.  When I run, I think a lot about my past, and much also about the future.

Violet looking our the window as a train chugs past.  Trains fascinate Violet, and make her happy.

We have been talking a bit about moving to a new house, and Audrey and Violet are excited but also cling to the idea of things changing and not being as happy.  Audrey, especially, is concerned about possibly changing schools and not being able to bring all of her toys and books.  This has lead to a series of conversations about letting things change, but also keeping things most important close.  We have talked about how we have had a lot of great times in our house, and we will continue our traditions and our ways of living in our new home whenever we get there.  We will also bring her favorite books and toys, but it might also be a good opportunity to let go of a lot of things that just take-up space and cause clutter.  I think everyone in our little family have really had a chance to think about how to get rid of things and take a few moments to contemplated what is most important to them, and bring these things with us.  

Audrey turned her room into a classroom!

Here is Miss Audrey and her learning centers!  She is very proud!

So as I plug away on the treadmill in my new shoes, I realize that my feet and knees don't hurt anymore.  Letting go of my old shoes, while tough, was the best choice for me moving forward.  I will always have those memories and miles with my old pair, but in order to be happy and successful as I continue my running, I needed to make a change.  I will carry with me everything I have learned along the way.  I will still think about my past, but try desperately to acknowledge my faults and learn from them as I build my future rather than allow them to continue to be a barb jabbing me with each step forward.  Our past makes us who we are, but does not determine who we will be.

-a