Sunday Morning Thoughts

It is early Sunday morning, well, about 8am, but it feels early. We were out last night with some friends in the city for some tapas. Pretty good stuff, although I could have eaten about 5 more plates of those tiny snack-size deals.

Kim's mom visited to watch Audrey while we were out. It felt good to just go and have a nice meal and conversation with some friends. I can't help but look forward to going to Alaska on Tuesday. It will be nice to get on a plane and just leave. While I am anxious about having Audrey on a 6 hour flight, it will be wonderful for all of my friends to meet her and also for her Zadie to get to see her again!

For me, this trip also has some underlying emotions, as well. There have been many tragedies in the past couple years for my group of friends. I don't want to go into detail on this particular point, but I can say with absolute certainty that this wedding will be a blessing in the sense that it is a positive event that is bringing us all together, rather than a sad one.

It is my goal to return to Alaska every year, but as I get older, it is becoming more and more difficult to plan time and finances to make the trip. With my Master's program starting in the Fall, free time will be little even during the summer! Also, everyone from my family, except my father, has moved to the lower 48! While I dearly love my friends, it will be a challenge to annually visit Alaska. So this trip feels almost like I am going to Alaska to show my friends my family and explain why I'm not going to return to Alaska. I almost feel like I am going to try and justify my "fading-out" from my group of friends. I don't feel like I am "In the Circle" anymore. I feel like I am standing outside of it and catching fragments of the on-goings of what everyone else is doing. Let me be clear: I do not have any regrets or wish differently for anything about my life. I love my wife and my daughter and my life. The choices I have made, however, have put great distances between my fiends and myself. So while I enjoy greatly my life, there are times I still find myself missing my old friends.

-a